Thirty years beside the dying
The Bedside Companion: What Families Are Never Told
What you may see in the final weeks, days and hours. What to say when you freeze. And how to sit at the bedside with less fear and fewer regrets.
$39$19Launch price
first 100 copies
236 pages. Instant PDF download. 7-day money-back guarantee.
A look inside
See how the book looks on the page
Large, easy-to-read type, short sections, and plain white pages you can print. These are real pages from the book.
Swipe or scroll sideways · tap a page to enlarge
The numbers
What this looks like for one family
Your hospice team is on your side. This book helps you know what to ask, what to expect, and what to say. It's $19 for the first 100 copies, instead of $39.
Most families walk into the final weeks with no map. They're tired, they're frightened, and they're afraid of getting it wrong. Almost none of them were told what they might see, what's normal, or what to say.
That isn't anyone's fault. Hospice teams are kind and busy, and families rarely know what to ask. This book is what I'd tell you if we were sitting together in your kitchen.
The book
236 pages. Everything I'd tell you, before the hard days begin.
This is a plain-spoken guide to the final weeks, days and hours of someone's life, written for the people who sit beside them: what families commonly see, why so many people slip away when you step out, what to say when you can't find the words, and what families wish they'd done.
There are 27 short chapters in six parts, plus a printable workbook. You can read it in order, or open it to the part you need tonight.
A story from the room
A short, warm bedside story that shows the point in a real-feeling moment. Nothing is graphic.
What families commonly see. In plain words, so that you aren't taken by surprise.
What you can say and do. Simple, non-medical ideas, and the exact words for the moments when you freeze.
When it's a medical question, ask your hospice team. I'm not a nurse, and the book never pretends otherwise. It always sends you back to the people trained to help.
What the research says
The things families wonder about, and what the sources say
The end of life may be months, weeks, days, or hours. It varies from person to person.
National Cancer Institute, Last Days of Life (patient version), updated October 2024Most people are still able to hear after they are no longer able to speak.
National Cancer Institute, Last Days of Life (patient version), updated October 2024In a study of 59 hospice patients, most reported at least one dream or vision near the end of life, and nearly all said it felt real.
Kerr et al., Journal of Palliative Medicine, 2014Doctors have described a sudden return of clear thinking shortly before death for about 250 years. These are case reports, and nobody can predict who will have one.
Nahm et al., Archives of Gerontology and Geriatrics, 2012These are general findings, not medical advice. Every person is different, and your hospice team is the right place to ask about your person.
What's inside
Six parts, and a workbook to keep by the bed
Before You Sit Down
The first things I'd tell any family, before the hard days begin.
4 chaptersThe Final Weeks
What families commonly see, from sleeping more to the surprise of a good day.
5 chaptersThe Final Days
What families may see in the last days, told gently, and what is yours to do.
4 chaptersThe Final Hours
The last day or two, the moment itself, and the first hour after.
3 chaptersWhat to Say
Ready-to-use words for the moments when you freeze, including children at the bedside.
8 chaptersRegrets, and What Families Get Right
What people wish they'd done, and how to say it while there's still time.
3 chaptersWorkbook and Printables
Pages to write on. Print what you need and keep it by the bed.
10 sectionsWords to say, on cards
Twelve cards for the hardest moments: when you freeze, giving permission, saying sorry, saying goodbye, and what a child can say.
A printable workbook
Last-conversations questions, a place to record their stories and voice, a legacy letter, bedside notes, a sitting schedule and a hospice contact sheet.
Questions for your hospice team
A page of good questions to ask your nurse or social worker, so you leave each visit knowing more than when it began.
When you freeze
Words you can use, when you can't find your own
Almost everyone goes quiet at the bedside. Here are six of the twelve cards. Say them in your own words.
When you freeze
I'm here. I love you.
Three small sentences are enough.Thank you
Thank you for ____. I'll never forget it.
Be specific. A story is better than "everything."Please forgive me
I'm sorry for ____. Please forgive me.
Name it. Don't add a "but."If they see someone
Who is it? Tell me about her. I'm glad she's here.
Don't argue. Be curious.When you step out
I'm going to get a glass of water. I'll be right back.
Say it every time.When you can't find words
I don't know what to say, but I love you.
It's honest, and it's enough.$39$19Launch price
first 100 copies
236 pages · Instant download · 7-day money-back guarantee
About the author
Ruth Ellison
Ruth spent thirty years in hospice as a volunteer coordinator and end-of-life doula. She sat beside people in their last weeks and hours, and beside the families who loved them, in kitchens and bedrooms and hallways at every hour of the day.
“This book is everything I'd tell you if we were sitting together, the night before the hard days begin.”
Ruth is not a nurse or a doctor, and this book gives no medical advice. On YouTube, she talks about what families see and what helps them. Watch the channel →
Get the book
The complete companion, ready tonight
- The Bedside Companion. 236 pages, 27 chapters in six parts, A4 PDF.
- Twelve cards of words to say. Print them, cut them out, keep them nearby.
- A printable workbook. Ten sections: conversations, recorded stories, a legacy letter, bedside notes and more.
- Questions for your hospice team, and a contact sheet for the numbers you'll want in a hurry.
- Sources listed at the end of every chapter.
- Secure checkout
- Instant download
- 7-day guarantee
7-Day Money-Back Guarantee
If the book isn't what you hoped for, reply to your receipt within 7 days and you'll be refunded.
Questions
Frequently asked
How many pages is it?
236 pages: 27 chapters in six parts, plus a seventh part of ten printable workbook sections. It's an A4 PDF that reads well on a phone, a tablet or a computer.
Does the book give medical advice?
No. Ruth is not a nurse or a doctor. She describes what families commonly see and what they have found meaningful, and she tells you throughout to call your hospice team with any medical question.
Someone is dying right now. Is it too late?
No. Start with Part Three or Part Four, or go straight to the words-to-say cards. The chapters are short and written to be read a page at a time, even in the room.
Nobody in my family is dying yet. Why now?
Because the hard days are easier to read about before they arrive. Part One is about what to set up early, and the workbook has questions to ask someone while there is still time.
Is it only for families who have hospice?
No. It's written for anyone who is with, or is about to be with, someone nearing the end of life. Hospice is described as the support it is, and the book encourages you to lean on it.
Will it be too hard to read?
It's written with warmth, in plain words and short chapters. The stories are gentle and nothing is graphic. Read it in order, or open it to the chapter you need today.
Is this a printed book?
No. It's a digital PDF with instant download. The workbook pages are on plain white pages so you can print just the ones you want.
Are the stories real?
The stories are illustrative composites. Names and details are changed, and they are not accounts of real, identifiable families.
What if it's not for me?
Every purchase has a 7-day money-back guarantee. Reply to your receipt within 7 days and you'll be refunded.
You don't have to sit there not knowing
When the room goes quiet, you'll know what you're seeing, what you can say, and who to call. Read this first.
$39$19Launch price
first 100 copies
236 pages · Instant download · 7-day guarantee